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《星运里的错》经典回顾:如果早已知晓结局,是否仍会迎接开始(附完整视频+经典台词)

今天,阡陌姐姐分享给大家一部改编自真人真事的电影《星运里的错》,包含电影里的经典台词,以及电影资源哦~还需要什么留言即可哦~

《星运里的错》改编自John Green的2012年同名小说《The fault in the stars》,书名源自莎士比亚的《凯撒大帝》:The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.。片名反其道而行之,意指错在命运。这部1200万美元制作的小成本电影在上映一周后就取得了4820万美元的票房成绩。影片改编自真人真事,故事的原型是一个性格爽朗,说话直白,患有癌症的16岁少女。讲述了一个肺癌晚期的18岁少女和一个同样患有癌症的青年奥古斯塔斯相爱,在彼此生命的最后阶段找到了生命的真谛,坦然面对死亡的故事。识别二维码关注我

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这是一部爱情悲剧,但是比起影片中的爱情,我觉得最受启发的是影片带给我一个新的探究疾病与死亡的角度,在我看来,影片中的爱情的讲述的确潸然泪下,但更让我感动的是影片中对于生和死的处理。已经有很多人从青春爱情的角度去分析这部电影,今天我就换个角度,从影片隐喻、情感表达、主题思想来解读这部电影传达给我们的关于生命的真谛,在文章第三部分,我会基于影片中两个青少年与疾病抗争的经历,结合现实生活,谈谈我对如何面对生与死的几点思考隐喻的运用:命运是无法抗拒的错误,无权选择生命的长度,但可以选择生命的宽度情感表达:害怕给活着的人留下悲痛、担心死后被人遗忘,展现两个主人公面对同样命运下的两种截然不同的生死观
电影主题:基于电影《星运里的错》中主人公逐渐领悟生命意义的故事,结合现实生活,谈谈我对如何面对生与死的几点思考

01


隐喻的运用

命运是无法抗拒的错误,无权选择生命的长度,但可以选择生命的宽度

隐喻是一种反应语言和社会的某种思维交互的认知方式。在电影中常常运用隐喻的手法,含蓄生动的传达主题思想。在影片《星运里的错》中,导演就运用了很多隐喻来传达对于命运的认知。比如片名源自自莎士比亚《凯撒大帝》中的台词,原意是指错误不在命运,而在自己,影片反其道而行之,意在表达:这就是命运的错。片名中的“星运”、“错误”都意有所指,以及男主奥古斯塔斯手中的香烟,更是在影片中直接了当的说这是一个隐喻,下面就来一一解读:①癌症是无法抗拒的命运海瑟从13岁起就本诊断有患第四期甲状腺癌,虽然借助特效药暂时保住了性命,但是仍然无法阻止病情的恶化,18岁确诊肺癌晚期。每天要吃大量的药物维持状态,要随时拖着氧气罐生活。除了生理上的痛苦,死亡的恐惧,她还要面临来自对父母的愧疚。如她所说癌症不是最可怕的,可怕的是有癌症小孩的家庭。海瑟的母亲时刻守在她身边,督促她吃饭,强制她去参加互助群体,想要她尽量保持“健康”。但是对于一个癌症末期的人来说,这种“健康”是不现实的,海瑟母亲很清楚迟早会失去女儿的。她这么做是出于对死亡和失去女儿的恐惧。癌症隐喻着死亡的提前宣判,这种指令会逐渐吞噬患者以及其家人的意志和活力。一 个人患上癌症就如同一粒绝望的种子,会传播给家庭里的每个人。而癌症的存在,就是一种时间的折磨,早就已经知道了结果,但却舍不得放手。对于死亡的担忧,更多是对命运本身的一种无能为力。②错是命运中出现的错误在影片中有“错”两层意思,错在原本没有未来的两个人在有限的时间相爱,错在没有按照命运既定的路线孤独的走向死亡,而是在有限的时间里活出了精彩的篇章。第一层是指错过的爱情,海瑟说希望拥有更多的岁月数字和她爱的人在一起,奥古斯塔斯在给海瑟的悼念词里说他握着她的手,强迫自己想象一个没有他们存在的世界,那个一个毫无意义的世界。假如没有疾病的存在,这两个正值青春的少年本会有更多的时间去经历他们的爱情。错就错在两个没有未来的人相遇、相爱,却没有时间来体验。第二层是指命运的错,命运向他们发出死亡的宣言,他们无力反抗,只能静静的承受痛苦,像星星按着轨道一样,等待某个时刻滑向黑暗的深渊。但是他们在最后的生命阶段找到了生命的意义,一个人存在只要被爱的人记住,那么就足够了。虽然时间有限,但是能永远活在对方心里。在最后的岁月里用勇气和乐观反击残酷的现实,这是对命运宣言的一种对抗,命运指定他们会在孤独中过完短暂的一生,然而他们试图在有限的时间里活出了另一种“永恒”,向死而生。③香烟是一种“威胁”,但是伤害的力量掌控在自己手中,我们无权选择生命的长度,但可以选择生命的宽度海瑟第一次见到奥古斯塔斯面的时候,他就掏出烟叼在嘴边,海瑟非常生气地教训了他一顿。身为肺癌患者,她太了解不能呼吸的痛苦。奥古斯塔斯解释说这只是一个隐喻,烟只有点燃才会有危害,而他却从不点燃它,就像我们把威胁放在身边,却不给它伤害你的力量。在奥古斯塔斯写给海瑟的悼词时说,“你无权选择在世上是否受到伤害,但你能选择让谁伤害你!我对我的选择很满意,希望她也满意自己的选择!”奥古斯塔斯最为恐惧的是死后被遗忘,所以他一直想要过一种不平凡的人生。在死去时他穿着第一次见到海瑟的T裇,此时直至死亡,都会有人一直记着他,他找到了属于他的永恒。生命自从诞生之日起便是空白,等待被赋予意义。命运也许会有缺憾,会有美妙的痛苦,但无关乎生命的长短,苦难亦或幸运,生命的意义都取决于人的态度。我们无法选择生命的长度,但是我们可以选择生命的宽度,这就是影片通过隐喻的方式所要传达的意义。


02


情感表达

害怕给活着的人留下悲痛、担心死后被人遗忘,展现两个主人公面对同样命运下的两种截然不同的生死观

①海瑟:害怕给活着的人留下伤痛,不惧死亡,认为死亡是每个人必经之路海瑟在13岁的时候被确诊身患甲状腺癌,在病房中看见母亲哭着告诉她如果坚持不下去了,放弃也是可以的。但是借助一种特效药,她还是暂时活下来了。18岁时,病情已经演变成肺癌晚期。需要时刻都带着氧气罐辅助呼吸,永远不能像个正常18岁女生一样生活。因为这些经历,她对于死亡并不陌生,她能坦然的面对死亡。海瑟所害怕的是死后活着的人会陷入无尽的痛苦中,回忆对她来说是痛苦的。13岁时海瑟看见了母亲的绝望。这大概就是她死去后亲人的生活,笼罩在失去她的悲痛之中。所以,对父母她是怀着愧疚之心的。正如她所说的那句话:癌症不是最可怕的,可怕的是有癌症小孩的家庭。她深知自己就像一个定时炸弹,一旦爆炸了,就会伤到身边的人。海瑟反复的阅读一本关于癌症患者的书,企图从书中找到患者死后他们家人的结局。然而书中没有答案,她就迫切的想要从这本书的作者那里追问答案。在我看来,早年患病的影响了她的价值观,面对“生”,她害怕因为自己的离去,会让活着的人一直生活在失去她的痛苦之中,一直不能积极乐观地生活,所以执着的想要找到关于“活着的人”的答案;面对“死”,她却能坦然地接受,因为多次与死亡擦肩而过,让她觉得人总会在某天死去,对死去的人本身来说结果并没有什么不同。②奥古斯都:担心活着时一事无成,积极向上的活着,避免死后会被人遗忘奥古斯都是一个同样年龄同样遭受癌症折磨的阳光男孩,他患有骨肉瘤,为了防止癌细胞扩散截肢了一条腿。不同的是奥古斯都曾经是一命篮球运动健将,获得过很多篮球奖项。作为一个热爱运动却被迫永远无法奔跑跳跃的人,他并没有因此而一蹶不振。当他的朋友因为做完眼球摘除手术后情绪崩溃时,他让朋友砸了他所有的奖杯,奖杯是一个人成就的证明。平和的砸掉奖杯这表示他不管过去多么美好,都已经不重要了,选择活在当下。奥古斯都最害怕的是不能做出一番伟业,会被世人遗忘。他常常叼着一根烟,却从不点燃它,他说这是一种隐喻,就好像把危险放在嘴里,却不给他能够伤害自己的力量。在我看来这里的“伤害”指的是癌症,虽然身体里有癌细胞,但是不能让它伤害自己思想,不能影响自己是怎样的人。可以看出奥古斯都对“生”的坚强乐观,面对“生”,他积极乐观的活着,正如他满屋子的奖杯一样,他想要过一个不平凡的人生。面对“死”,他有些畏惧,不是因为死亡对他来说有多可怕,而是因为他害怕死后被人遗忘。所以面对过去和未来,他更在乎的是当下能否创造价值。

03


电影主题

基于电影《星运里的错》中主人公逐渐领悟生命意义的故事,结合现实生活,谈谈我对如何面对生与死的几点思考

电影中的两个罹患癌症的少年,生命之于他们而言是短暂的,而也正是因为短暂的生命,反而让他们明白生命中他们真正需要追寻的东西。基于影片中两个少年对生与死的态度和选择,结合现实生活,我有以下几点思考:①生如夏花,活在当下如果知道结局就放弃迎接开始,终会错过许多美好。海瑟从13岁起就知道自己患有癌症,她把自己的生命比作不定时炸弹,一旦爆炸了就会伤及身边的人。所以与其说,她是做好了死亡的准备,不如说她其实一刻都不曾活在当下。她不想去结交更多的朋友,只因她认为总有一天她会离开,只会徒留伤悲。对于和奥古斯都的感情,她最开始也是抗拒的,因为她知道她一个人会走向死亡,那么两个一起走死亡的人更加不会有未来。但是和奥古斯都的爱情让她领悟到到生命哪怕只有短短的一瞬,也可以很美好。生命只有一次,无论长短,活在当下。悲伤、痛苦、快乐都是种种“活着”才有的体验,正如海瑟喜欢的书中的那句话:痛苦需要被感知。在这个过程中,如果因为害怕受到伤害,害怕结局不是幸福的,那么我们将会失去多少宝贵的生命体验。生命的意义在于曾经存在了,生命的精彩也就存在了。②拥抱生活,正视死亡死亡是生命的另外一种状态,却不是终点。当海瑟认为她总有一天会死去的,母亲所做的一切都会在那时候变得徒劳,你再也不是我的妈妈,你们会在充满我的回忆的房间里痛苦的生活。海瑟的妈妈说,我永远都是你的妈妈,我们能够接受你的离去,并且报了相关的课程,等到以后可以帮助相似的家庭,我们会带着对你的爱和怀念活下去,这一切都有意义。影奥古斯都最害怕不能成就一番大事业然后被世人遗忘,海瑟说,我爱你,你的家庭也爱你,我都记得你。在这个世上,我们只需要被我们爱的和爱我们的人记得,就已经足够了。因此即使他们在逐渐步入死亡,虽然他们不愿离开这个世界,但是他们也绝不绝望,依然能够珍惜活着的每一天,坦然的接受死亡。按照生长的规律,我们总是不可避免的看到亲人的离去,要学会坦然面对。人中出生到死亡,这是一个完整的过程,死亡是生命的一种状态,但绝不是终点,死去的人会活在那些爱着他们的人心中,这也是另一种存在。③终结亦是开始,带着对逝者的怀念和爱继续生活海瑟写给奥古斯都读的悼词时说“你用有限的时间,给了我永恒”,这个永恒说的是活着的人对于死者的怀念、还有爱。葬礼不是为了死去的人,而是为了还活着的人准备的。葬礼给活着的人一个机会去记住那个已经逝去的生命,然后他们将带着死者的回忆和爱开始新的生活。对于死者而言,会继续停留在生者的记忆中,如果活着的意义在于被爱的人记住,那么这也是一种新的起点。总结一下:影片之所以能带给我很大的触动,不仅仅是因为两个癌症少年的美好的爱情,而是因为他们身上那种直面人生的勇气,给人带来震撼的力量,让我在观影之后会去思考如何度过我的人生。这部青春电成功之处在于,它以阳光的方式讲述了一个严肃而充满痛苦的主题:癌症与死亡,影片中的角色并没有给人带来压抑沉重的感觉,反而男女主人公身上的幽默和开朗让人感受到非常温暖、坚韧的力量。
《星运里的错》经典台词

1. Give it a chance. Who knows, you might even find it enlightening.
试一试嘛,说不定你会喜欢上它的。

2. The only thing worse than biting it from cancer is having a kid bite it from cancer.
这世上只有一件事比得癌症死掉更糟,那就是看着自己的孩子得癌症死掉。

3. -Maybe you'd like to share your fears with the group?
-My fears?
-Oblivion.
-Oblivion?
-Yeah.
-You see, I intend to live an extraordinary life. To be remembered. So, I'd say if I have any fears, it would be to not do that.
也许你愿意和大家讲讲你害怕的事。
我害怕的事?
被遗忘。
被遗忘?
你看,我不想过平凡的生活,我想被记住,所以我说自己害怕被遗忘。

4. I just want to say that there's gonna come a time when all of us are dead. There was a time before humans and there's gonna be a time after. It could be tomorrow, it could be a million years from now. And when it does, there will be no one left to remember Cleopatra or Muhammad Ali or Mozart. let alone any of us. Oblivion's inevitable. And if that scares you, then I suggest you ignore it. God knows it's what everyone else does.
我只是想说,我们都会死。人从无到有,终难免灭绝。可能是明天,也可能是百万年之后。到时,世上已经没人能缅怀埃及艳后、拳王阿里或莫扎特,更别说我们了。遗忘在所难免如果这令你恐惧,我建议你把它置之脑后。因为其余所有人都是这么做的。

5. There's always that possibility.
这种可能性永远存在。

6. There's always a hamartia, isn't there? And yours is even though you had freaking cancer, you're willing to give money to a corporation for the chance to acquire even more cancer?
人总会有致命弱点,是吧?而你的致命弱点就是尽管得过该死的癌症,还是愿意掏钱换来接着得癌症的机会。

7. You put the thing that does the killing right between your teeth but you never give it the power to kill you. A metaphor.
你把致命的东西叼在口中,却不给它伤害你的力量。这是个隐喻。

8. Your driving, while unpleasant, is not technically unsafe.
你开的让人不太舒服,但从技术上讲是安全的。

9. It's about embracing your destiny, and leaving a mark on the world.
主旨是说要接受命运,在这个世界上留下自己的印记。

10. You know, sometimes people don't understand the promises that they're making when they make them.
要知道,有的时候人们在做出承诺的时候并不知道自己在承诺什么。

11. That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
痛苦就是这样的东西,它要求被感受到。

12. It's a thing we can live with.
我们能承受得来。

13. This is an opportunity that I may never get again.
这机会我错过了就不会再有,永远不会。

14. I hope you realize that you trying to keep your distance from me in no way lessens my affection for you. All your efforts to keep me from you are gonna fail.
我希望你明白,即使你跟我保持距离,我对你的深情也丝毫不减。一切试图让我幸免于你的努力都是徒劳。

15. It'd be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.
能被你伤害是我的荣幸。

16. You're just so busy being you, you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.
你忙着做自己,完全没有意识到自己多么空前绝后。

17. I am in love with you. And I know that love is just a shout into the void and that oblivion is inevitable. And that we're all doomed and that one day all of our labors will be returned to dust. And I know that the sun will swallow the only Earth we will ever have. And I am in love with you.
我爱上你了,我知道爱只是虚空中的叫喊,遗忘在所难免,我也知道我们都在劫难逃,总有那么一天,我们的努力都将重归尘土,我还知道太阳会吞噬我们唯一的地球,但我还是爱上你了。

18. Let's imagine you're racing a tortoise. The tortoise has a ten-yard head start. In the time it takes you to run ten yards the tortoise has moved maybe one yard, and so on, forever.You're faster than the tortoise, but you can never catch him, you see? You can only decrease his lead. Now, certainly, you can run past the tortoise as long as you don't contemplate the mechanics involved. But the question of "how?" turns out to be so complicated that no one really solved it until Cantor's proof that some infinities are bigger than other infinities. I assume that answers your question.
我们想像一下,你和乌龟赛跑,乌龟在你前面十码的地方起跑,当你跑过这十码,乌龟又向前爬了一码,总是如此。你比它跑得快,但永远也追不上它,只能无限缩短你们之间的距离。真实赛跑中你可以直接跑到乌龟前面,那是因为没有考虑其中涉及的原理,但你是怎么做到的?这个问题实际上很复杂,没人能回答,直到康托尔证明了有些无穷比别的无穷更大。我认为这就回答了你们的问题。

19. -It's impossible not to imagine what. I will not indulge your childish whims. I refuse to pity you in the manner in which you are accustomed.
-I do not want your pity!
-Of course you do! Like all sick kids, your existence depends on it. You are fated to live out your days as the child you were when diagnosed. A child who believes there is a life after a novel ends. And we as adults, we pity this. So, we pay for your treatments, your oxygen machines. You are a side-effect to an evolutionary process that cares little for individual lives. You are a failed experiment in mutation.
-这是不可能的。我不会纵容你的异想天开,我拒绝以你已经习惯了的方式怜悯你。
-我不要你怜悯
-很显然你要。每个生病的孩子都一样,全部生命都依赖着它。你们命数已定,到死都是孩子,和确诊的时候一样。小孩子才觉得小说结尾之后还有故事,而我们作为成年人对此感到怜悯,所以花钱给你们治病,给你们买氧气机,你们就是进化过程的副作用,进化过程才不在意个体的安危,你们是变异失败的实验品。

20. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you care so much about your silly questions?
你有没有停下来想过为什么这么在意那些傻问题?

21. It's difficult in times like these. It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals. They seem so absurd and impractical yet I cling to them because I still believe in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.
这是个艰难的时期,奇妙的是我并没有抛弃所有的理想,那些理想看似荒唐又不切实际,然而我紧握不放,因为我仍相信,不管怎样,人性还是善良的。

22. We're much too young to deal with these problems, but they keep thrusting themselves on us, until, finally, we're forced to think up a solution.
我们实在太年轻,无法应付那些问题,可它们却不断硬砸下来,逼得我们只好去想解决办法。

23. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better. That this cruelty, too, will end.
然而,当我仰望天空,却莫名感觉这一切会好转,这残酷也将画上句点。

24. Apparently, the world is not a wish-granting factory.
这世界显然不是满足愿望的工厂。

25. I wish I could say that Augustus Waters kept his sense of humor until the end. That not for a single moment did his courage waver. But that is not what happened.
我应当讲奥古斯塔斯•沃特斯直到生命尽头都保留着幽默感,一刻没有失掉勇气,但这不是现实。

26. -I mean, I was supposed to be special.
-You are special, Augustus.
-我是说,我本该成为一个与众不同的人。
-你本来就与众不同,奥古斯塔斯。

27. I do know what you mean, I just don't agree with you. You know this obsession you have with being remembered? I'm mad because I think you're special. And is that not enough? You think that the only way to lead a meaningful life is for everyone to remember you, for everyone to love you. Guess what, Gus. This is your life, okay? This is all you get. You get me, and you get your family, and you get this world, and that's it. And if that's not enough for you, then I'm sorry, but it's not nothing. Because I love you. And I'm gonna remember you. I just wish you would be happy with that.
我知道你的意思,我只是不认同。你本来就与众不同,你总是痴迷于让人们记住你。我觉得你很特别,难道这还不够吗。你认为要过有意义的人生,就必须要每个人都记住你,每个人都爱你吗?但你猜怎么着,这就是你的人生,你只能得到这些,我、你的家人、你能面对的世界,再就没了。如果这于你还不够,那我很抱歉,但你至少不是两手空空。因为我爱你,我会记得你。我只是希望你能满足现状。

28. It's a good life, Hazel Grace. It's not over yet, you know.
这一生很不错,而且还没有画上句号。

29. Losing you. That is gonna hurt like hell. But you of all people know it's possible to live with pain. You just do it.
失去你,会痛苦到无以复加。但你比任何人都清楚,即便痛苦也能活下去,承受住就好。

30. You gave me a forever within the numbered days. And for that, l am eternally grateful.
你在有限的日子里,给了我永远。为此我…我感激不尽。

31. If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.
想要彩虹,得经历一场大雨。

32. Funerals, I'd decided, are not for the dead. They're for the living.
我想举办葬礼不是为了逝者,而是为活着的人。

33. Life comes from life.
生命是周而复始的。

34. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
在这世上你没法选择不受伤害,但让谁来伤害你 你却有几分决定权。

35. My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great star-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won’t be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because—like all real love stories—it will die with us, as it should. I’d hoped that he’d be eulogizing me, because there’s no one I’d rather have . . .”
“I can’t talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.
大家好,我叫海蓁•格蕾丝•兰卡斯特。奥古斯塔斯•沃特斯是我此生灾星下的恋人,我们的爱情故事如史诗般荡气回肠,我没法开口讲,只要讲起,我便会淹没在泪水中。如所有真正的爱情故事一样,它会随我们一起进坟墓,也理应如此。我本希望他为我致悼词,因为我不愿意别人来。
我没法讲我们的故事,我做不到,所以我会讲讲数学。我不是数学家,但我知道一件事:在0和1之间有无穷多个数字,有0.1 0.12 0.112,还有无穷多其他数字的集合。当然,在0和2之间还有一个更大的集合,0到100万亦是如此。“有些无穷比别的无穷更大”。这是一个我们曾经喜欢过的作家教我们的。知道吗,我还能拥有的日子,我希望更多。还有,上帝啊,我但愿奥古斯塔斯•沃特斯仅有的日子也能更多。但是,格斯,我的爱,我无法告诉你,我们小小的无穷,让我多么感激。你在有限的日子里,给了我永远,为此我……我感激不尽。

36. Van Houten,
I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. We’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you any favors, but if you have time—and from what I saw, you have plenty—I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. I’ve got notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently.
Here’s the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease.
I want to leave a mark.
But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. You build a hideous minimall or start a coup or try to become a rock star and you think, “They’ll remember me now,” but (a) they don’t remember you, and (b) all you leave behind are more scars. Your coup becomes a dictatorship. Your minimall becomes a lesion.
(Okay, maybe I’m not such a shitty writer. But I can’t pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.)
We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can’t stop pissing on fire hydrants. I know it’s silly and useless—epically useless in my current state—but I am an animal like any other.
Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either.
People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad, Van Houten. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm.
The real heroes anyway aren’t the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who invented the smallpox vaccine didn’t actually invent anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn’t get smallpox.
After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I just walked in behind a nurse with a badge and I got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too. It was brutal: the incessant mechanized haranguing of intensive care. She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.
A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren’t allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, “She’s still taking on water.” A desert blessing, an ocean curse.
What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
I do, Augustus.
I do.
范•豪滕先生:我是个好人,但是东西写得稀烂。你是个烂人,但是东西写得不错。我觉得咱们搭档正好,我不想求你帮什么忙,但如果你有时间,而据我所见,你时间充裕。请帮我把这润色一下,是我给海蓁写的悼词。她想让我写一份,我在努力,但如果有人能帮上忙我也高兴。
是这么一回事,我们都希望被别人铭记,但海蓁不同,海蓁知道真相,她不求有数不清的爱慕者,只要那一个就好,而她得到了那个人,她被爱得或许不宽广,但却深沉,她拥有的难道不比大多数人多吗?
海蓁病着的时候,我知道自己快死了,但我不想这样告诉她。她在加护病房的时候,我溜了进去,在她旁边坐了十分钟左右才被发现,她的双眼紧闭,皮肤苍白,但她的手还是她的手,仍然温暖。指甲上涂着接近黑色的深蓝色指甲油。
我握着她的手,试图想象一个没有我们的世界,那会是个多么没有价值的世界啊!她那么美丽,你怎么看也看不厌,你不必担心她是否比你聪明,因为你很清楚她就是。她风趣而不刻薄,我爱她。天啊!我爱她!我真幸运能爱上她!
范•豪滕,在这世上你没法选择不受伤害,但让谁来伤害你,你却有几分决定权,我对我的选择很满意,希望她也满意自己的选择!好吗,海蓁•格蕾丝”?
好的!

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